Ninja - 2009
Director: Isaac Florentine
I
didn't see this on Netflix and almost bought the blu-ray at Half Price
Books for $5. It's a good thing 'cause it was available free with
commercials on Roku.
Scott
is an orphan who grew up in a dojo. There's a rivalry with some Bad
Dude who's actually Japanese. Scott isn't Japanese, right? Early moments shine with Scot flexing muscle and s an
evil-temple of euro-thugs that was dropped-in from 1988. Still, exposition cheese wears thin after 30 minutes, and you can't help but
think, "Scott, please kick something!" Bad Japanese Dude is
bitter and leaves the dojo. Later he wants to take it over or something\ and murders everyone. It must be a terrible dojo if Bad Dude
can roll in and massacre folks. They suck at fighting one guy!
I'm confused why the dojo is surrounded by sand. It's a depressing
place. Odd that a white orphan kid grew up in a dojo but...
stop thinking of reality.
For
whatever reason Scott and the dojo Sensei's Daughter are in New York
with Special Box of samurai stuff. Most of the action takes place in
"New York" which looks like a Eastern European backlot. The
action is fine with goodies and baddies getting sliced and kicked a
bunch. Bad Dude chases Scott to New York for the Box where
Scott fends off cultish baddies whilst dodging po-po who think he killed
a Professor. Scott fights against Dude with Sensei's Daughter in a subway. You want her to be a more awesome fighter. Daughter gets kidnapped so Scott rescues her. Duh!
They fall in love but thankfully there is no real romance, unless you
count absurd showering-while-clothed - or even ickier,
hand-holding! Let's keep it PG, folks, despite all the bloodshed.
I
guess the director worked with Scott in other recent movies.
There's some creative flips, kicks, and shots of stuff being thrown. Not enough ninja stars though! Much
of the audio is dubbed as I suspect they didn't like the actors'
accents. Scott uses his generic-American accent.
They're silly ninja costumes and sneaking around, smoke bombs,
blah, blah, but one never gets the sense that ninja are awesome. The lighting is gaudy. A
fifth grader might like this movie but would not LOVE NINJA after
watching NINJA. A ninja movie should make you want nunchaku to pummel bullies that hurt your feelings!
Scott
opens Box and dons on a Samurai outfit for a final fight on a
construction site. I was hoping to see Bad Guy survive but Scott issues
a coup de grace. Maybe this was just putting Bad Guy out of his misery
but it made me wonder if Scott HAS MERCY. He kept his pants on, even
in the shower, so clearly Scott HAS HONOR. He is an executioner, but stops
at holding hands and won't go to second base.
Ninja
was mildly diverting. Some 2009 going on 1988 sets were fun and
silly. Generic thugs just kept coming! This movie needs more Japan
scenes and ninja-intensity. As long as Scott is jumping and kicking,
you'll be entertained. Despite the shortcomings I have high hopes for
Ninja 2 because there are no sophomore slumps in the world of Scott!
Verdict: Watch it!
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